As many of you know, I just returned from two months in India. When I first went to that mysterious country I anticipated having problems with their food as I’m not a hot and spicy fan. However I’ve been pleasantly surprised over the years because I find I like nearly everything served to me. If we order mild spice, we’re fine and the food is tasty. I especially enjoy the carborhydrate offerings just as I do at home. I love the chapatti, the dosa, the appum, the roti and of course all the various rice dishes.

Here’s the thing. On this trip I ate shamelessly. I ate whatever was available and I even learned to eat with my fingers in Indian style–you get every grain of rice that way.  My exercise regime while there consisted of walking to my chaffeured car several times a day. I’m telling you I ate three meals a day, usually quite healthy ones, and didn’t exercise one iota and I didn’t gain a pound. When I stepped on my home bathroom scales I was the same lovely weight as when I left home two months earlier. But the sad news is I’ve been home less than two weeks and already those scales are creeping back up into frightening larger numbers. How can it be? I think I’ve discovered an amazing fact that will encourage dieters the world over.

When you travel, eat all you want. Don’t exercise, just enjoy yourself. The fact is you don’t gain weight in foreign countries, it only happens in the good old USA. As long as you stay on foreign soil you’ll be skinny and fine. If you can’t stay in another country here’s another idea. Stay on the plane. You can be like those retired persons who live out their days on a cruise ship. I don’t think they gain anything either. Think about it. You’ll be served regular meals, have the luxury of tiny bathrooms that you don’t need to clean, meet lots of friendly people and maybe, once in a while, you’ll be served the extra glass of champagne left over from first class. Sure, it’s a little cramped in there, but by golly those hips will stay lean.

I wish I’d taken my own advice. Just one ultimate cheeseburger and my pheronomes interacted with various enzymes and before I knew it I’d shot up three pounds. Just sniffing the chocolate chip cookies at church added another pound. I’m sitting here as I write this and absolutely longing for airline food.