When I was teaching I used to tell my husband that there was never a second grade boy who didn’t want to be first in line no matter where we were going. The drive to “be first” is strong in many of us.

Children often find waiting a very difficult task. But the studies all show that being able to control impulses, and being able to wait for gratification is an important part of learning self-control.

You may be familiar with the Stanford test done many decades ago in which children were given the choice between having one marshmallow right away or getting two if they could wait for fifteen minutes. The children were given the choice and then left alone with the tantalizing marshmallow.

Some of the children just grabbed the fluffy treat and ate it immediately, some tried various strategies, but gave in before the allotted time, and some managed to wait and receive the double treat. Strategies used to wait included self-talk, singing songs, moving the marshmallow further away to avoid the temptation and playing with toys to pass the time.

The startling results of this test came years later when follow up studies found in virtually every case that the children who were able to wait were happier and more successful all across the board. They had better grades in school and on their SAT scores, they were freer of problems and addictions, and they went on to more successful careers. Why?

Focus and self-control are life skills that have a huge effect on learning. Impulsive children are less able to set a goal and meet it, less able to control their behavior and less able to follow a project through to completion.

If your child struggles with waiting and self-control, there are ways to build that skill.

  • Use visuals to help children mark the passage of time. Use charts, clocks, or calendars to mark time. This helps your child get a clearer sense of the future and how long the increments of time will be when waiting.
  • Teach your child to use language when they’re frustrated. It’s okay to verbalize strong feelings such as anger and disappointment. When they don’t get whatever they want immediately, they can release the emotional pressure in an appropriate way.
  • Play games such as red light, green light and Simon Says which help children to listen and follow directions. It also helps them learn that circumstances change and they can manage their behavior when that happens.
  • Engage your children in problem solving activities. Ask, “What else can we do?” of “Let’s read a book while we wait for…”
  • Help your children make a plan and then follow it through to completion. They may plan an elaborate Lego building or do a big task such as cleaning their room. Help them make a list of tasks and tick them off as they’re done.
  • Use allowances or earned money to learn to manage their spending. Help them learn the benefit of setting a goal and then waiting to purchase a much-desired item.

When children learn to wait, they gain confidence in their power over their emotions and behavior. They’ll learn to set long-term goals and enjoy the satisfaction of meeting them. They’ll learn patience and be happier, more successful learners.